Failing Fallacy

I was recently invited to speak at a prominent women’s leadership conference on the topic, “Failing Forward: Embracing Setbacks as Catalysts for Growth.” Alongside me were a moderator and two other seasoned women leaders. Our task was to share a personal story of failure and how we moved forward.

What unfolded next was truly transformational...

None of us—despite having faced countless setbacks, disappointments, challenges, adversity, and even trauma—could recall a specific moment we considered a failure. Aside from an exam grade here or there, none of us viewed those moments through the lens of failure. Instead, we saw them as turning points for growth.

This response surprised both the moderator and the audience. Surely, they thought, we must have experienced imposter syndrome in our careers. And indeed, we admitted to times when we felt we weren’t good enough. But those feelings didn’t register as failures; they were just part of the journey.

This set the tone for the rest of the discussion, which naturally shifted to the second half of the session’s theme: how setbacks can be catalysts for growth. Each of us shared raw, painful stories—ones that still stung even as we spoke about them. But the most important part of our reflections was how we navigated through that pain and turned it into steppingstones toward success.

It takes COURAGE to transform setbacks into growth, and I’ll share an acronym that captures this mindset:

C = Character-building opportunity. Focus on your strengths and develop greater self-awareness. Find where you truly belong and thrive.

O = On the other side of pain is something incredibly extremely good. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. Trust the process—even when it’s hard to see the answers. Have a grateful heart.

U = yoU are enough. Trust that those who have placed you in leadership roles see something special in you. Learn to view yourself through their eyes.

R = Release guilt and regret. Perfection is impossible. Instead, strive for excellence and let go of the unrealistic standards holding you back.

A = Associate with positive influences. Surround yourself with people and environments that uplift you, and remove negative ones, even temporarily.

G = Ground yourself in your core values. Hold fast to them, especially when making tough decisions.

E = Empower yourself to emerge stronger and wiser—without the weight of failure.

This topic resonates with me personally. I’ve spent years developing the character of Aunt Vicky in my historical fiction novel, Who She Left Behind. Aunt Vicky endured a lifetime of deep shame, guilt, and secrecy—largely caused by her own feelings of failure. It wasn’t until her niece helped her confront those truths that she found peace.

Additionally, my professional career has been devoted to empowering girls and women, as highlighted in my TEDx talk, Today’s Girls are Tomorrow’s Leaders. Together, we can equip girls with the confidence and resilience to embrace setbacks rather than fear them.

Let’s work toward a future where “failing” is no longer a topic at women’s leadership conferences—because we’ve learned to see setbacks for what they truly are: opportunities for growth.

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